Her Appearance

The picture of you at the firing range (taking aim, but with your legs demurely crossed) was completely charming … it was perfect

I really liked your smile, particularly the one in the ____ photo with _____ I suspect that sounds soulless, shallow and sexist, probably because it is (I’m smiling as I type), but I would not have sent this email if your profile hadn’t been utterly engaging.

There was what seems to be an engaging kind of pensiveness or reticence in your smile (third and fourth photos more than the first two). Throw in that you are tall and obviously attractive, and I couldn’t resist writing.

So I enjoyed what you wrote. I was intrigued by what you left out and I also like the fact that you are tall and attractive, with a charming smile. I’m sure that last comment sounds soulless, shallow and sexist (probably because it is), however I would not have bothered to write if your profile hadn’t been engaging, so it’s not ALL soulless, shallow and sexist.

If brevity is truly the soul of wit, then yours has to be one of the most amusing profiles I've thus far read :-) ... and your photograph is, hands down, the best ... period. It's nothing short of captivating

 

Her Profile

As for your first paragraph, I can't even imagine what it's like to be woman on one of these sites (but then I probably can't imagine what it's like to be a woman under any circumstances)

Your profile was completely hilarious and impossibly charming … I mean “above average man”? ... not exactly setting the bar up there in the stratosphere, are we?

So, given that I was thoroughly entertained by what you wrote and I’d like to get to know you a bit better, I’d like to suggest an alternate approach to chatting in site: I’ll send you a few brief paragraphs detailing my journey down life’s highway of unintended consequences if you’ll send something similar about your life to me. Does that work for you? 

Your profile made me smile, probably because the comment about being easygoing- “they all say that but it’s really true”- seemed to contrast so vividly with your headline- “Life is short!!” For some reason, I found the apparent contradiction utterly charming.

I hope that this doesn't offend you, but your screen name amused me no end. I couldn't stop laughing the first time I saw it, late last night, and I started laughing again this afternoon, when I decided to write

I opened my laptop today and went to PoF for the first time in a week or so. I scrolled through quite a few profiles, but yours was the first one that I opened.

Your headline was pithy and your profile was completely hilarious ... not to mention impossibly charming.

Your profile was completely hilarious in some places, impossibly charming in others, and the part about teaching your children good morals resonated with me deeply. I couldn’t agree with you more about the importance of using proper grammar, so it amused me no end when you equated the failure to do so with showing up for a first date in desperate need of a shower. I burst out laughing the first time I read that and I’m still laughing as I type this.

I thought that your profile was engaging - particularly the last three paragraphs about ________'s book (a highly interesting choice), losing everything that was important to you (a sobering thought) and having talked about yourself more than you normally do (an unexpected comment given the brevity of your profile).

 

Her Message

I thoroughly enjoyed what you wrote. The part about ___________ was hilarious. I broke out laughing when I first read it, and then again today when I sat down to type this.

So, …. do you award points for style? And what counts more, the answer that I give … or the fact that I gave one?

.

As for your message, it couldn’t have been any better. I spend a lot of time writing, so the ultimate compliment is for someone to say that my words painted a picture. But your flattering comments notwithstanding, I’m still going to leave my flaws unaddressable for the moment, in order to delve into your profile

So I enjoyed what you wrote. I was intrigued by what you left out and I also like the fact that you are tall and attractive, with a charming smile. I’m sure that last comment sounds soulless, shallow and sexist (probably because it is), however I would not have bothered to write if your profile hadn’t been engaging, so it’s not ALL soulless, shallow and sexist.

The part about update about you losing [your mother, your father and your kitties] touched me deeply. Perhaps it was because of the similarities … my mother passed on during Christmas, three years back; my father turned 90 on August 6; I lost one of my cats (Annabell) and my old dog (Bridget), not too long ago, and my last old cat, Norbert, is not well. But I suspect that paragraph would have struck a deep, powerful chord within me, even if there had been no similarities at all.

Actually, I've been up against a major deadline (and I still am) so I've barely had to read your email, let alone compose a reply. However, tomorrow is the "drop dead date,” so I'll respond in more depth then.

I would really like to continue this, but it's late and I seem to be rapidly running out of wit, pith, and insight, all at the same time. However, I’d love for you to send me a few paragraphs about your life, and in the morning I’ll put down a few about mine.

When I got your last message, I was________, but I immediately burst out laughing.

I appreciate what you wrote about my profile bringing a smile to your face and I enjoyed yours as well. Even when what you wrote was completely wrong, which it frequently was (big tms), I liked the way it was written. (By the way, “tms” is short for typical male smirk, which should never be confused with the female “pretty mean smirk” which is often denoted by the letters “pms”.)

Your thoughts about ________ resonated with me, as did your insights about the ________, and what you wrote about your sister struck a deep chord.

I enjoyed your reply immensely, particularly the comment about___________

.

First, I'm very glad that you wrote. Presumably, that fact is obvious from my reply, but it's early and I was up until extremely late, so I wanted to be sure that you knew that. Second, like you I don’t equate intelligence with education (particularly not if the education in question is the one I received - or was SUPPOSED to have received - at _______).

As for what’s next, we can write (no voice tone, timing or inflection, but everybody usually reads your entire thought before firing back a response), we can talk (you get the voice qualities, but not the eye contact, hand gestures or facial expressions), or we can meet.

I loved your reply, particularly the part about rebellion, will, love and lust.

Thank you. After wit, charm and graciousness, I can think of very few things in life more enjoyable than positive commentary from an intelligent, attractive woman, particularly if what she's commenting on is something that one aspires to do well. .

Very well put. Your words summarized our situation perfectly ... they resonated ... and I really liked the flow of the last phrase. It has a poetic quality.

First, please accept my apologies for the delayed response. I don't check and/or visit POF all that often anyway, and these past _____ days, I've been buried with work.

So far, so good, and yet nothing really resonated .... until I read the last two and a half lines about the place where you “live all alone”. That really struck a chord. It was as if you had written something that I often think.

There is much in your note to reply to (and even more that was just delightfully engaging) but I'm just about to start a_________, so any further response must, sadly, be postponed.

 

 

Her Wants

According to your profile, I may not be "Mr. Right" . . . but then again, I might be uniquely qualified as Mr. Not-Entirely-Wrong . . . and we might have a lot of fun together until Mr. Right does show up

Surprisingly, you wrote nothing about what you are seeking in another person. I was struck by that fact, probably because there are at least three things that I would have anticipated you mentioning - humor, intelligence and conversation.

Your art, what do you create? I can appreciate some paintings and a little photography, but I have zero talent when it comes to the visual arts. However, I’m pretty good with ________.

I'm obviously not Mr. Right (presumably that's self evident from the age differential alone) and I probably don't even make the first cut (let alone the last one ) as Mr. Not-Entirely-Wrong. But I might be fun to communicate with, occasionally, until one or the other of those guys shows up.

There’s also the problem of …. how shall I put this graciously …. “divergent opinions” …_______for example. I am not a huge fan of the activity, having already done more than enough of it to last for several lifetimes.

With regard to the things that you “enjoy doing”, I’ve never tried photography (other than the occasional shot with a smartphone), nor am I overly enamored of travel, having already done more than enough of it to last several lifetimes. But presumably you mean the “leisure/luxury” type (as opposed to the obligatory variety), so provided it does not include sleeping bags, tents, campgrounds, RVs, staying with relatives, coach seats, cheap hotels or sweaty guys in uniforms with guns, then I would love to take it up once more ...

On the basis of age alone, I’m probably not Mr. Right. In fact, I may not even make the first cut, let alone the last one, as Mr. Not-Entirely-Wrong (although few people believe that I’m anything close to _____). But I might be fun to talk to until one or the other of those guys finally shows up.

Why We Match

Those words cut straight to the heart of the matter, and they struck a chord with me, probably because I feel the same way ... and I'm looking for the same things - honesty, wit, intelligence, and affection.

Your description of what you’re looking for in another person resonated with me, probably because those are things that I also want and believe that I’m able to give.

The characteristics that you say you want in another person got my attention, because I not only believe that I qualify on all counts (except one), but also because I’m looking for the same things.

Two of your descriptions struck a chord with me and, like you, I laugh a lot and communicate fairly well.

The comment about [usually having a book with you] had the ring of familiarity. In a couple of the places that I go for lunch or dinner, they will remark on those occasions when I come in with a person instead of something to read … and the part about “looking for a gentleman” … that struck a deep, resonant chord.

There is at least one important (critical?) thing that we seem to have in common, and that is an appreciation for the fact that good company is about all that really counts.

So far, so good, and yet nothing really resonated .... until I read the last two and a half lines about the place where you “live all alone”. That really struck a chord. It was as if you had written something that I often think. .

I have had more than one relationship that was rewarding, but I don’t ever recall feeling that “this is the one”. On the other hand, however, maybe you just know.

I don’t mind arguing (it can be exhilarating), but I do mind the Whole Foods Store (probably because it can’t be). Furthermore, I’m considerably LESS accomplished at spoiling than I am at being spoiled. On the other hand, however, I'm also a hopeless romantic.

In the end nothing else matters; you had me with your first five words, “I would enjoy the company…” That phrase resonated powerfully because it’s precisely the sentiment that I was trying to describe in the last paragraph of my profile. So I hope that you choose to reply. But whether you do or not, I still wanted you to know how much liked what you wrote.

About Me

I haven’t given up on the fairy tale either (not yet anyway) despite rapidly accumulating evidence that I probably should. But I am aware that life is shockingly brief, so if it's out there, I’d better find it soon. :-)

My Wants

I'm extremely comfortable I my own skin, in part because of an unshakeable belief that I am a "great guy". Did I mention that I am not even remotely cursed with self esteem issues?

I

I do work out regularly, but I can't say that I'm a big "fan" of it. I probably do it because it strikes me as demeaning to simply surrender to the ravages of time, without mounting at least a token resistance – you know, Dylan Thomas, “do not go gently into that good night” and all of that

I enjoy time with my kids(3), times with my friends, but also time alone. I have two boys, 16 and 13, and a daughter who is 9. They each have their unique way of bringing joy into my life! ( that's putting a positive spin on parenting!)(:

Without having quizzed my friends on this , I think they would describe me as follows.. genuine, (hopefully) funny, at least able to laugh at myself, down to earth and friendly. I'm curious by nature and tend to be inquisitive. I try to surround myself with positive people, and typically try to find the good in a situation.

There is nothing I like better than sitting around with a few female friends and a nice bottle of wine, while discussing ____________

You find me______ .... that's interesting, particularly since I tend to view myself as a guy who is frequently entertaining and almost always light-hearted.

I would really like to continue this, but it's late and I seem to be rapidly running out of wit, pith, and insight, all at the same time. However, I’d love for you to send me a few paragraphs about your life, and in the morning I’ll put down a few about mine.

As for what I've not done that I hope to accomplish, I want to ______________ but that's a subject for another email ... or a phone call ... or maybe even an in-person conversation (GASP!!)

I’m not really a huge fan of rural trails, probably because I can’t honestly claim to "love nature." I’m awed by the power of it and fascinated by its complexity, but once a person has undergone the experience of sleeping in the rain, utterly exhausted, while being feasted upon by swarms of mosquitoes, and after a bracing meal of bugs and snake, that person may develop a view that can best be described in polite company as politically incorrect in the extreme.

I can't honestly claim to "love nature". I am definitely awed by its power and fascinated by its complexity but, when it comes to something like, say, camping, I tend to think that sleeping outside might be an expression of ingratitude on an epic, or even a Biblical scale. After all, thousands of generations of human beings struggled for their entire lives just to get inside, out of the elements; and then just when we finally realize their most desperate hope, some of us want to go back outside!

Children

I enjoy time with my kids(3), times with my friends, but also time alone. I have two boys, 16 and 13, and a daughter who is 9. They each have their unique way of bringing joy into my life! ( that's putting a positive spin on parenting!)(:

I am generally very happy most of the time, but when I’m with my kids, I’m always that way.

Family

I am generally very happy most of the time, but when I’m with my kids, I’m always that way.

Age

Starting with a confession is probably the worst thing I could possibly do, but in this case it's necessary … I created a second profile in order to write to you. It seems that good folks at PoF have, in their infinite wisdom, decided that when the age difference between two intelligent, educated, self-supporting, middle aged adults is greater than 14 years, they shall not be permitted to contact one another. I, on the other hand, think that decision is yours alone, so I created another temporary profile. I hope you won't think ill of me for doing so (and if you do think that I shouldn't have, then I hope that you will accept my apologies).

And then, there is the age difference … clearly there is one. I'm generally thought to be in my mid 50s ... although it wouldn’t surprise me if MOST guys my age made similar claims :-) ... but few people (with the possible exception of Ray Charles) would mistake me for being much younger, and I doubt that even he would peg me for 46. (I'm laughing as I type this, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.) So, on that basis alone, I probably don’t qualify as Mr. Right and it’s certainly possible that I can’t even make it as Mr. Not-Entirely-Wrong. But I do hope that you choose to reply.

And then there is age. Most people think I’m in my [50s], but few of them (with the possible exception of Stevie Wonder) would guess that I'm any younger, and not even Stevie would think I was 49. Anyway, none of that changes the fact that I’m actually ____. So, I like the idea of meeting, to see what we both think because while we not qualify as Mr. or Mrs. Right, it's certainly possible that we might be Mr. and Mrs. Not-Entirely-Wrong.

.

I'm obviously not Mr. Right (presumably that's self evident from the age differential alone) and I probably don't even make the first cut (let alone the last one ) as Mr. Not-Entirely-Wrong. But I might be fun to communicate with, occasionally, until one or the other of those guys shows up.

On the basis of age alone, I’m probably not Mr. Right. In fact, I may not even make the first cut, let alone the last one, as Mr. Not-Entirely-Wrong (although few people believe that I’m anything close to _____). But I might be fun to talk to until one or the other of those guys finally shows up

Hobbies

I’m not really a huge fan of rural trails, probably because I can’t honestly claim to "love nature." I’m awed by the power of it and fascinated by its complexity, but once a person has undergone the experience of sleeping in the rain, utterly exhausted, while being feasted upon by swarms of mosquitoes, and after a bracing meal of bugs and snake, that person may develop a view that can best be described in polite company as politically incorrect in the extreme.

With regard to the things that you “enjoy doing”, I’ve never tried photography (other than the occasional shot with a smartphone), nor am I overly enamored of travel, having already done more than enough of it to last several lifetimes. But presumably you mean the “leisure/luxury” type (as opposed to the obligatory variety), so provided it does not include sleeping bags, tents, campgrounds, RVs, staying with relatives, coach seats, cheap hotels or sweaty guys in uniforms with guns, then I would love to take it up once more ...

Your art, what do you create? I can appreciate some paintings and a little photography, but I have zero talent when it comes to the visual arts. However, I’m pretty good with ________.

On the down side, I haven’t ridden a motorcycle in ____ years. Come to think of it, I didn't actually RIDE mine all that much back then, because it rarely ran – I just fervently hoped that it made me look cool as I leaned rakishly against it while it was broken down on the side of the road.

As for your message, it couldn’t have been any better. I spend a lot of time writing, so the ultimate compliment is for someone to say that my words painted a picture. But your flattering comments notwithstanding, I’m still going to leave my flaws unaddressed for the moment, in order to delve into your profile

I can't honestly claim to "love nature". I am definitely awed by its power and fascinated by its complexity but, when it comes to something like, say, camping, I tend to think that sleeping outside might be an expression of ingratitude on an epic, or even a Biblical scale. After all, thousands of generations of human beings struggled for their entire lives just to get inside, out of the elements; and then just when we finally realize their most desperate hope, some of us want to go back outside!

I do work out regularly, but I can't say that I'm a big "fan" of it. I probably do it because it strikes me as demeaning to simply surrender to the ravages of time, without mounting at least a token resistance – you know, Dylan Thomas, “do not go gently into that good night” and all of that.

Career

On another note, there has been a sudden (and perhaps interesting) development. I have to be in ____________ tomorrow on business. Chances are that I'll simply be tied up in meetings for the entire time, but there is a remote possibility that I can either strike a deal early or (even more likely) have it blow up in my face fairly quickly. If that happens, and if you'd like to meet somewhere briefly, we could at least determine if there is any immediate attraction and compatibility between us. If I can carve out the time, do you want to give it a shot?

First, please accept my apologies for the delayed response. I don't check and/or visit POF all that often anyway, and these past _____ days, I've been buried with work.

Replies/Schedule

To begin with, please accept my apologies for taking so long to reply. I was in ________ from Thursday until Saturday and was buried by meetings.

Oh, and by the way, if and when you're comfortable switching to regular email or phone, I'd love to do it. I loathe this site’s messaging system. I know that's a complete non sequitur, but this thing is driving me crazy

I've been swamped and probably won't get my head above water before tomorrow afternoon, but I did want to let you know that I'm not ignoring you. Well, actually I am, but at the moment I don't have any other choice..

Actually, I've been up against a major deadline (and I still am) so I've barely had to read your email, let alone compose a reply. However, tomorrow is the "drop dead date,” so I'll respond in more depth then.

I would really like to continue this, but it's late and I seem to be rapidly running out of wit, pith, and insight, all at the same time. However, I’d love for you to send me a few paragraphs about your life, and in the morning I’ll put down a few about mine.

There’s also the problem of …. how shall I put this graciously …. “divergent opinions” …_______for example. I am not a huge fan of the activity, having already done more than enough of it to last for several lifetimes.

As for, "... let's talk on the phone first as the content, tone and cadence of the voice can be so very revealing", you're exactly right. In fact, I'm convinced that spoken English is an entirely different language from the written word, largely because you don't have eye contact, facial expressions, hand gestures or any of those things you mentioned that one can easily pick up in a phone conversation, things like tone, timing, cadence, inflection etc.

Let's Meet

As for what’s next, we can write (no voice tone, timing or inflection, but everybody usually reads your entire thought before firing back a response), we can talk (you get the voice qualities, but not the eye contact, hand gestures or facial expressions), or we can meet.

One last thing, writing is not my best medium either. I'm better on the phone, and a lot better in person. But you're right, we have to start somewhere. However, if you decide at any point that you might like to actually talk my number is below

I'll write in more detail as soon as we're finished (at least for today) and I've found food. Until then, think about whether you'd rather try for Friday (if I'm back in time) or even Saturday, or would you prefer to let the anticpation build until next week.

On another note, there has been a sudden (and perhaps interesting) development. I have to be in ____________ tomorrow on business. Chances are that I'll simply be tied up in meetings for the entire time, but there is a remote possibility that I can either strike a deal early or (even more likely) have it blow up in my face fairly quickly. If that happens, and if you'd like to meet somewhere briefly, we could at least determine if there is any immediate attraction and compatibility between us. If I can carve out the time, do you want to give it a shot?